I want to divorce: advice on how to act in a divorce with children

Are you a parent who is getting divorced? Trying to make the process easier? Hoping for some practical tips to help keep your sanity in check? If the answer is yes, this article will help bring you some peace of mind.

The hard truth is that many marriages end in divorce. We've seen an increase in separations in recent times, especially during the pandemic, as couples confined at home ended up having to spend more time together, and came to realize that maybe they weren't "made for each other".

But regardless of the reason for the divorce, it is not an easy time, and during the period of the process, many people are emotionally devastated, especially parents with a minor child.

Is there any way to make things easier? Yes there is! However, it would be false to say that things will be stress-free. Instead, it's best to think about how to make the divorce more friendly, especially if you have kids.

If you're going through a divorce, check out the tips below on what to do!

8 tips for having an amicable divorce for the ex-couple and the kids

The following are tips for parents to handle the divorce process in the best possible way. Some of them are common sense. Others will make you stop and think. So go through them all and apply what you think is best for your situation.

1 - Don't argue when your wife is stressed

Avoid any tension from an angry wife by keeping a cool head and reacting rationally to everything she says to you.

A tip: don't engage in verbal or physical battles with your wife, ever! Because it doesn't lead to good things and only makes the situation worse.

So no matter how impossible your spouse is, you can deal with her during and after the divorce by learning to control your emotions.

For example, in a high-conflict divorce, consider coming up with some proposals rather than fighting your idea for a better outcome just for you. And you need flexible thinking here. It also means that you shouldn't reject what she's saying first. You should discuss new ideas to reach a decision.

2 - Try to stay calm and don't let anger consume you

As part of flexible thinking, you must also look at yourself and your reactions in order to remain rational. If you do this, you can make decisions with a calmer, more serene mind.

By remaining rational, you can still focus on the process, keeping track of the things you want to accomplish during and after the divorce. For example, think differently about the way you respond to your spouse in front of your children if you want a less difficult divorce process.

If you need help managing your emotions, contact a psychologist with experience in divorce. This will help strengthen your abilities to keep your emotions in check.

3 - Seek help from an expert divorce lawyer

Find an understanding and competent divorce attorney who has the experience of working with the parents as early as possible if you feel that divorce is inevitable.

You can ask for recommendations from other divorced parents, on the OAB website, family and friends. This will help you learn as much as you can about the legal complexities of dissolving a marriage. So spend your time on this process.

Don't be afraid to hunt down the internet and identify professionals who are experts in marital separation. Your goal should be to identify the best possible person to meet your needs.

By seeking help early, you can avoid mistakes that can undermine different aspects of the case and your child custody goals.

Your attorney can guide you through the legal aspects of the process, as well as refer you to experts in the fields of mental health, emotional and even financial management. When you get those referrals, make the most out of them.

4 - Try to communicate clearly and assertively

Men are not known for expressing their feelings. We talk less or nothing about our emotions; something we can attribute to social "norms". As a result, some parents who go through marital changes end up isolating themselves and worsening their mood.

To avoid this problem, communicate with people. As you go through this painful stage in your life, seek emotional support from close friends, family, church if you are a religious person and you feel it is necessary.

Remember that you are looking for support, so be wise about who you trust and choose people who truly care about your well-being.

5 - Control your financial health

Do you want to keep your finances, reputation and well-being intact during and after your divorce? Take the right path and maintain proper behavior.

Having financial health means paying your bills on time and still having money left over for emergencies and future projects, and of course, not spending more than you can afford.

You need to look into this carefully for your and your children's well-being. This will be taken into account in the divorce process when it comes to custody of minor children.

Don't give anyone reason to question your responsibility! In this context, it also includes limiting alcohol consumption (or even stopping drinking). You save and stay capable.

6 - Take care of your physical health

Take care. Don't neglect your health, if you feel isolated and depressed seek help. This may be easier said than done, but you should consider this during this difficult transition period.

7 - Have realistic expectations

Periods of disappointment and frustration are inevitable. Either way, divorce is normally a lengthy process. The court system can be frustrating and often slow; something that increases anxiety.

The lesson for this tip is simply this - don't expect things to work out perfectly fine. Of course, it can happen that everything runs like clockwork. But it usually doesn't happen that way.

By having realistic expectations, you reduce your stress level and empower yourself to deal with things as they are, rather than as you would like them to be. This brings us to our next and final point.

8 - Be calm and patient, the divorce process can be slow

Yes, it is normal that you want the process to finish as quickly as possible. Who would not like? But the reality is that marital separation takes time.

The key is extreme patience, and this is never emphasized enough. In fact, it is possibly the most important virtue you will need during this time.

Above all, be wise enough to choose patience. This will help you have a smoother divorce journey and a successful ending. Always be kind and patient, not only with yourself, but also with your wife and children.

Remember that you have a lot of time ahead of you, so it's worth the ex couple working together to reopen the lines of communication.

If both sides are willing to rationally cooperate with each other, the whole process need not be agonizing.

As a parent who is getting divorced, there are many ways you can end your marriage in a healthy way, including reacting rationally, being patient, and setting realistic expectations for the experience.