The best way to ask someone out

Of course, there are guys out there who never seem to have a problem asking anyone out. But no matter what they say, asking a woman out on a date is as much art as it is science.

Often, successfully asking a woman out comes down to this unquantifiable thing: self- confidence. Sometimes you're feeling it, sometimes you're not.

That said, there are a few guidelines that can increase your chances of success when asking a woman on a date:

1. Don't rush too much

You must focus on the moment and not on your mind to put together a movie of the love affair you may have. Don't dream about it - the greater your hopes and dreams, the greater the fall. For now, just focus on getting her to say yes to drinks on Friday. Adjust your expectations.

2. Don't make a fuss

It's easy to make a big deal out of how she's going to "date" you. In your head, you're thinking, "She's having coffee with me. She's into it!"

Putting too much importance on the first date can make you seem a little desperate. It's like you go to a dealership and the salesperson says, "Hey, do you want to buy a car... from ME? Can I be your salesman?" You would be scared. Much better if he casually said, "Hello, my name is André, do you want to take a test drive?"

When asking a woman out, it's best to think about one date at a time. This is not a serious relationship commitment, at least not yet.

3. Be clear that this is a date

One of the biggest problems with asking a girl out is that you might not be clear about your intentions. If you invite a woman to dinner, she understands it's a date. But if you ask her if she wants to go play video games at your house, who knows what she'll think? You may even be putting yourself in the friend zone without realizing it. Now that you're a man, ask her out on a date.

4. Be confident

Even if you're nervous and think there's no way for her to say yes, you need to be confident when you ask her out. If her body language and tone of voice say, "You're so much better than me, I don't deserve you," she might just believe it.

Some guys understand this, but they go too far - in arrogance mode - and they end up giving off the idea that they're better than everyone else.

That's where the nuance comes in: you need to strike a balance between acting like you know she's going to say yes, and not acting like a total jerk. You can still be polite and act like you're expecting a yes: look her in the eye, stand up straight and speak calmly. After a while, you will forget that you were "acting" confidently and you will actually feel confident. And she will notice.

5. Take care of your appearance

If you're asking a woman out, make sure you look your best. If you approach her in baggy sweatpants and an old t-shirt with rips, I'm not saying it's a definite no, but you're not helping your chances. Dress as if you value yourself.

An interesting fact: notice that when you're wearing a nice outfit, a woman's eyes go to your shoes. It's amazing how great shoes can more or less take an outfit to the next level. And just as often, a great outfit can become not-so-fashionable with low-quality shoes. So, dress well and don't forget your cute shoes.

6. Envision success

If you call her expecting her to say no, she probably will. Instead, imagine success. Literally imagine what it will be like when she says yes. If you start to imagine yourself getting nervous or tongue-tied, stop and start again until you imagine that everything is going well.

Now the big caveat for this is: don't worry about rehearsing specific dialogue, don't memorize your script, otherwise if things take a different turn, you might get nervous. Just imagine the feeling of feeling successful, of being confident, of having a good relationship with her. It's not just about you, it's about the two of you enjoying a moment together.

7. Don't make it your world

Buddhists have a great attitude towards attachment to the physical world. They have a phrase something like "See the glass as already broken". They don't overreact when something is destroyed or when glass breaks because the glass is already broken. It is inevitable that the glass will break, so they see the glass as already broken - there is no overdeveloped sense of attachment to it.

So asking a woman out should be the same. If she says no, it's not like you're really missing something. If she says no, tell yourself, "Okay, it was her loss."

One thing Buddhists won't say is that asking women out is a numbers game. The more you try, the more likely a woman will say yes. After realizing that it takes 9 no 's to get to a yes, the no 's don't hurt as much.

8. Make a connection with her before

Hopefully, by the time you're thinking about asking a person out, you've already had some kind of conversation and made a connection with them. It sounds silly, but many men approach women at bars and parties and ask for their number or ask them out on the spot.

This can work for men and women who don't care about personal chemistry. But I think the ideal is to make a connection first, to increase the chances.

Even if you're sure you're in love before you speak two words to her, give her a chance to infiltrate by talking to her first. If you ask her out too soon, you might get a no that would be a yes if you had just allowed the situation to develop.

Sex needs foreplay, just like asking a woman out. Women are more emotional than men. So having a connection with her first helps you.

9. Get over the past

Don't bring your baggage of other rejections into the conversation. The only person who should know in detail about your past "wins and losses" is you.

Also, just because you got rejected last week doesn't mean this new woman has to give you a break this week. The feeling of pity should not be in your arsenal. You still have to be confident and bring your best to the game.

You have to remember that what you're doing is no big deal. You're not asking her to move in with you. You're just asking them to spend time together.

10. Don't be afraid to try

Whether a woman says yes or no, she respects you simply for asking. At least you had the courage to try. And finally, you realize that the initial fear you had is ridiculous. As you get older, you end up regretting the women you didn't ask out, not the ones you did. So go ahead!

11. Be careful not to overindulge in alcohol

Having a drink or two before asking a girl out might be nice, but you really don't need them. Be confident. You can get it. And by "achieve it" I just mean that you're going to keep peeing your pants.

I cannot guarantee the result. The potential dangers of drinking heavily before approaching a woman are pretty obvious: You could look like an idiot, talk a lot, or whatever. The funny thing is that a lot of guys feel like they can only ask a woman out after drinking to relax. But with practice, you'll find that you can be just as relaxed and confident without the booze.

12. If She Says Yes, Hold Your Excitement

Just because she said yes doesn't mean you can celebrate and ditch your whole posture. A sim certainly doesn't give you permission to introduce her to your friends as your new girlfriend. And if she agrees to go out with you, don't let your guard down by saying, "Wow, I was nervous, I didn't think you were going to go out with me." Just keep calm and enjoy the moment.

13. Don't be shy

It's easy to rationalize not asking or delaying asking a woman to date you because of a number of factors. But don't be intimidated into thinking that you need a multi-part strategic plan. The more rigid and methodical you are about it, the scarier you will look.

Don't take too long, because time is ticking, especially if you've made a nice connection with a woman and she's waiting for an invitation from you.

Writer Jeff Goins told a story about a girl in high school he had wanted to ask out for some time. When he finally got his courage, he thought it was a futile effort and he was sure he had failed - he just muttered something to her about leaving. But to his surprise, she immediately said "I would love to." And then, as she was walking away, she turned around and said "it's about time".

Conclusion

So, gentlemen, the moral of the story is that you need to put yourself in the game. You can't overthink things. Be confident and imagine yourself succeeding. But get up and dust yourself off when it doesn't work out. You will try again and sooner or later you will succeed. And when you realize that none of this is a big deal, you won't be afraid anymore. You will just have the best time of your life.