I need a girlfriend urgently! Is it really what you need?

You googled the phrase "I want to date"... or "I want a serious relationship"... or even "I want to find love"... You are feeling down, thinking that your problems will be solved and that life will be much better with a girlfriend.

And I know how you feel. Most of us have been or will go through this. Unfortunately, my friend, your problems will probably not be solved with a new girlfriend.

In fact, here are 10 questions you need to answer before getting into any relationship.

Even if you may disagree at the moment, you will be grateful for that advice in the future. Because it will stop him from getting a girlfriend for the wrong reasons. And a relationship built on shaky foundations is doomed to fail. In fact, we all know how painful breakups are, so let's avoid it from the start.

So just read these 10 topics you need to consider before saying "I need a girlfriend urgently", and then decide if you really need a girlfriend right now.

1. "I want to date"... But are you making this decision at a bad time?

This doesn't just apply to the "get a girlfriend" situation. This is something you should practice for every important aspect of your life. And getting a girlfriend is definitely one of them.

So what does that mean? That means you shouldn't make a decision when you're having a hard time in life. Because it implies that your judgment is clouded by your current emotional state.

And in the hard times of life, you're feeling a little awful. Picture the situation: you're on the dance floor at some party and everyone has a girl to dance with except you. At that moment, you feel alone or you feel angry, embarrassed, frustrated or just not very well.

Any decision you make at that moment is a by-product of your emotional state - and therefore making any decision at that moment is not the result of genuine desire, it is simply a reaction to the situation. You must make the decision to get a girlfriend in a comfortable environment where you are calm and in control and when you can really see clearly why you need love or not.

2. "I want to date seriously"... But do you know what you're looking for?

If someone asks you if you want a girlfriend, the answer may be simple. You just say yes or no. But the answer to the question "What kind of girlfriend are you looking for?" it's really harder.

Because here you need to describe your girlfriend, or at least get a sense of what you want. Tell yourself what she looks like, what she smells like, what she loves and doesn't love, her little quirks that you'll both love and hate at the same time. Okay, I'm getting a little more into the details than I should, but you get the idea.

She needs to have the same values ​​as you, which doesn't mean you need to do the same things. But she needs to be able to understand you and vice versa.

To know what she will be, you need to know what you want for yourself. And to know what you want, you need to explore yourself. To explore yourself, you need to become self-aware of who you are, what you want to become, what your dreams and visions are for the future, how you envision your perfect world, and in all of this, where a girlfriend fits.

All these questions are difficult to answer, but they are rewarding. And once you know who you are and what you want to do in life, you can easily articulate to yourself if you want a girlfriend in your life and, if you do, what kind of girlfriend.

3. "I want a relationship"... But are you under social pressure from friends and family?

Although most of the civilized world lives freely, we are still influenced by our culture, parents, grandparents and the environment of which we are a part.

But if you're getting a girlfriend just to please someone or satisfy a cultural norm, then stop. You are doing yourself and your girlfriend a disservice and it will only lead to a bad relationship, which will end in a breakup or worse - end in a bad marriage.

So if you're pressured into getting a girlfriend, subtly tell everyone to fuck off.

4. "I want serious commitment"... But are you feeling lonely?

There is a big difference between the nuances of loneliness. Loneliness is the unwillingness of people to communicate on any level. However, there is another side to loneliness which is the unavailability of someone to communicate with at a specific level of consciousness, it is the lack of a deeper connection, in the romantic sense.

Most men are trying to end their loneliness by applying a solution that doesn't give long-term results. Do you know someone who goes from one girlfriend to another, always having someone by their side?

When you are a person who is always jumping from branch to branch because you don't want to feel alone, then by conviction you shouldn't get a girlfriend. It would be much more interesting to take advantage of the alone time you have to explore yourself and find out why you feel this way.

By solving the loneliness problem, you will be free to find a real connection, someone who can understand you. And then, and only then, will be the right time to find a girlfriend.

5. "I want to date now"... But do you know your life priorities?

Getting a girlfriend just for the sake of getting it is a problem in itself. When you have your life priorities set, then you can look for a girlfriend who fits that vision of life. The number 1 priority should never be your girlfriend. It should be your vision, mission and purpose.

You don't want a girlfriend, you want what you think a girlfriend will give you: happiness. But the fact is, the only place you will find true happiness is in yourself.

When you discover what you want to do, it will be your guiding star in life and you will pursue it as your priority. When you want a girlfriend just for the sake of having a girlfriend, you will get lost along the way. This always leads to separations and suffering in general. Because you have no idea who you really are.

But by having your purpose under control and pursuing it as a priority, you'll find a great girlfriend that fits your lifestyle.

6. "I want to meet people to date"... But have you tried any fish in the sea?

From the research of many psychologists like Martin Seligman and Daniel Gilbert, we are totally delusional when it comes to thinking about what will make us happy.

We think we want something and that it will make us happy, and only when we get it do we discover that it hasn't made us happy. Worse still, it made us feel much more unhappy, because now there is nothing to strive for and we need to reinvent ourselves.

So the best thing is to really discover yourself and see what you like. Don't get into a serious, deep relationship when you're 17 and think "this is it!" You haven't even seen what's out there, nor what you really like. You have nothing to compare.

It took me years to figure out what I really want in a girlfriend. You need to explore with other people to find out what you want, so maybe getting a girlfriend right now isn't the best move.

You should try casual relationships with girls to see what you like and don't like, to really know what you're interested in.

7. "I want to find a serious relationship"... But do you love yourself?

You might be thinking "What kind of question is that? Of course I love myself."

But the fact is, most people don't really love each other. Most people are looking for others, their "better halves" to satisfy them, to give them meaning and purpose. Most people don't love themselves, so they are desperately trying to find someone to give them the love they can't give themselves.

And when they find a partner, someone who is also looking for someone to love them, because they don't do it for themselves, then those people create a relationship of dependency.

Usually, one person is the victim and the other is the savior. One person needs to put all the blame on themselves to feel lovable, while the other needs to constantly save someone else to feel lovable.

This kind of relationship is doomed to fail.

So ask yourself, "Am I looking for a girlfriend just because I want someone to love me?" If the answer to this question is yes, then you shouldn't get a girlfriend right now.

8. "I want a new love"... But do you need a girlfriend or something casual?

If you've just gotten out of a long-term relationship, and you're thinking, "I want new love," then you absolutely don't need a new girlfriend. You, my friend, need to flirt and have a good old one-night stand.

You just spent too much time with one person and it didn't end well. No matter who broke up, there are still a lot of unresolved issues and residual emotions out there.

So, first of all, it would be unfair to any other girl if you were to just strike up a new relationship with her. Any girlfriend doesn't want to share her boyfriend with someone else, especially when the pain from the previous relationship is still strong.

Taking that into consideration, you just need some alone time to have fun! And there's nothing wrong with having one-night stands.

So ask yourself if you really want and need a girlfriend right now, or would a one-night stand do the trick?

9. "I want someone to date me"... But are you ready to commit?

Let's face it, a girlfriend is not a masturbation device. You are a human being with your wants and needs and you need to be able to satisfy them.

Committing to a girlfriend means finding time to really be in a relationship. If you are used to thinking only about your plans for the day off and vacation, having free time to do this or that randomly with your girlfriend is something that needs to be considered now.

If you want to commit, you need to understand that your time needs to be shared with her. And that's something many of us don't want. Because a relationship isn't always about rainbows and butterflies, it's hard work! To get serious, you need to make time for it.

And if you're already sacrificing your time and freedom with your girlfriend, you need to make sure this girl is the right type for you.

10. And finally... Do you really want to share your life with someone?

This is the last topic on our list because all the others above are prerequisites for this one. At the end of the day, having a girlfriend means sharing your life with someone else.

Not just the good things, but also the bad. Being there when it's the hardest means a lot, not just to you, but to her as well.

You're sharing everything you are with someone else and it's liberating and scary at the same time. Some people are never ready for this, thinking that the other person will not love them for who they really are. Thus, they end up hiding in short and meaningless relationships and avoid any kind of deep connection.

And to be honest, you'll probably never be ready for something like this. There will always be a hint of doubt, no matter how nice your girlfriend is. But the trick here is to think about and overcome the fear.

If you're willing to share everything you are with someone else and stick around, then you're ready to get a girlfriend.

We've covered the 10 questions you need to consider before getting a girlfriend.

I believe that you are now equipped with reflections that will help you make the best decision.