What to do when you want more sex than your partner?

The woman wanting little sex while the man wanting to have sex often is a dynamic that happens to many couples. But be very calm at this time! Caution should be exercised in this regard to prevent men from jumping to conclusions and sometimes sabotaging a healthy relationship.

If some men like to have sex several times a day and other men are more of the once a week type; the same goes for women. Believe it or not, this dynamic disparity in sexual desire is very common (Alman, 2011).

Regardless of your situation, it's critical to realize that most couples operate at different speeds, and comparing your level of sexual desire to your partner's can cause relationship problems.

Consider these questions

Before thinking, "My girlfriend/wife doesn't want to have sex" or that she lacks sexual desire; answer these questions for yourself.

1 - For various reasons there can be mitigating factors that contribute to the lack of female sexual desire. Assuming you two are close, why not talk about it?

A very real reason why her sex drive seems inferior to yours could be emotional. In other words, women tend to need an emotional connection as part of sex.

2 - Have you ever thought that she may not understand how to please you and be ashamed to ask?

3 - On the other hand, what if you're not doing what she likes, but she feels uncomfortable talking about it?

Let's face it, this kind of conversation isn't always the easiest to have.

As men, we are programmed to be more physical. This goes back to our beginnings when we first walked the Earth. Let's be real - our automatic default is to get straight to the point.

While there's nothing wrong with that, sometimes intimacy can take a back seat. As a form of self-check, reflect on the following question:

4 - When was the last time you two kissed?

It's not about a quick kiss on the cheek. It's not a kiss on the forehead. Instead, I'm talking about the kind of kiss that goes straight to the core.

If you can't remember the last time this happened, consider this a warning from the universe to get back to basics. In other words, it's time to re-establish awareness around each other's bodies.

There are several ways to do this. Examples include gentle touching, holding, and stroking. You'll know things are back on track when you can intuit deep down that she's on the same page.

5 - What is your definition of sex? How is it for your partner? Do you consider oral sex a form of sex? What do you think about caresses? How might her definitions differ from yours?

As silly as it may seem, not everyone shares the same thoughts.

Sex for many women, even when it's wild, is primarily a function of mental perception. Furthermore, it involves much more than genital stimulation.

6 - Does it seem that her lack of desire for sex is such that you wait until she starts? When she doesn't, do you just sit there and do nothing?

If yes, you are not alone in this. In many relationships, this is the time for the female green light for intimacy. But as time passes, things become predictable. In turn, this can lead to massive boredom. But in general, women tend to like men to initiate.

That's why you need to initiate sex! Do not wait! And see this as an opportunity for dialogue as well. In other words, talk about what's going on. A tip: ask her what her sexual fantasies are. As far as possible, you can try to do them. But to help you out, we have an entire article on the most common female sexual fantasies.

Another article that may help you is this one. It reveals what women say about men in therapy. That is, what are the complaints that they tell the therapist when it comes to the romantic relationship, but do not tell men.

If your woman isn't in a good mood and you are, consider self-pleasure. Yes, you read that right. I'm talking about the taboo topic of masturbation. I know this may seem uncomfortable, but you may find it helpful. Besides, masturbating is very healthy. Obviously, both parties need to agree.

However, the goal should not be to manipulate her to get sex. Rather, it's about creating intimacy in a way that satisfies both needs.

7 - Have you ever thought about the possibility of couple therapy?

If the two of you have reached a place where sex isn't happening, it might be a time to think about couples therapy.

In a way, at some point, all relationships go through periods of drought. The longer the two of you are together, the more likely this is to happen.

Instead of blaming and making assumptions, it makes sense to work with an experienced professional. This can help them better understand the unique dynamics of their relationship.

One resource I would like to suggest is the book called: The 5 Love Languages for Men: How to Express a Commitment of Love to Your Wife by Chapman ( see price on Amazon ).

What I like about this read is the way the author talks to men using friendly language. It's packed with practical advice designed to help you build a closer relational bond with your partner.

Remember that not everyone operates at the same speed within the four walls. Communication is the key - and so is patience.

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